Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Wild (hockey) Fantasy O' Mine

You know, it's the offseason. For most hockey fans its a time of boredom. A lot of bloggers fill up this time with Rosterbation. But not me. I'm nothing like that. I prefer to Roster-rape. You heard me right. Let's get this thing started.

San Jose Sharks. Let's look at the lines as of now:

Patrick Marleau-Joe Thornton-Devin Setoguchi
Milan Michalek-Joe Pavelski-Ryane Clowe
Jamie McGinn-Torrey Mitchell-Jonathan Cheechoo
Jody Shelley-Scott Nichol-Brad Staubitz

Evgeni Nabokov-Thomas Greiss

Now that's my preferred lines if the Sharks don't make anymore moves. Sadly that's over the cap. Sharks will have to make a move. Here's a list of something that will happen (in my world):
  1. Milan Michalek for Alex Ovechkin? Seems fair to me.
  2. Ryane Clowe for Zach Parise? Okay then.
  3. Jonathan Cheechoo for Pavel Datsyuk and Henrik Zetterberg? Only if you say so.
  4. Thomas Greiss for Steve Mason? Alrighty.
  5. Torrey Mitchell for Corey Perry? It'll make sense in a minute.
So now the lines will look like this:

Alex Ovechkin-Joe Thornton-Zach Parise
Patrick Marleau-Joe Pavelski-Pavel Datsyuk
Jamie McGinn-Henrik Zetterberg-Devin Setoguchi
Jody Shelley-Scott Nichol-Crey Perry
Brad Staubitz

Evgeni Nabokov-Thomas Greiss

(There's no defense because I forgot about it I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT GOSH! So just plug in Sharks regular D)

So after reading this your first thought is, "THIS IS FREAKIN' GENIUS." After that you think, "What the hell is this mess. There's something called a salary cap." Well that's why I traded for Corey Perry. We'll have him stir up shit up in Bettman's office, and Gary will then forget about the Cap. Then Perry is immediately released and Brad Stuabitz takes his place.

With this San Jose Sharks team, they would be unstoppable. And if you're sill wondering why the other teams gave up their players? Well, they just got Roster-raped.

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