5. Evgeni Nabokov will never win in the playoffs. It's impossible. Even if he wins.
4. Logan Couture is already a bust (He won't play for the Sharks because centers Joe Pavelski, Torrey Mitchell, Manny Malhotra, and Scott Nichol will be blocking the way in the future).
3. Dan Boyle, Scott Nichol, and Joe Pavelski are the only players on the Sharks with a heart.*
2. Unless you're Dan Boyle, you will suck at being a Captain (really! Rob Blake is already a bad Captain).
1. Patrick Marleau is the reason for all Sharks early exits from the playoffs.
*This is mentioned by many places aside from Bleacher Report. I have pondered why this idea exists. I believe this idea stems from the Little Guy Illusion.
The Little Guy Illusion isn't actually anything (yet). It is a theory I have come up with to explain the phenomenon of shorter guys who are said to show more hustle and heart than guys that are taller. Since little guys have shorter legs, they are forced to take more strides giving the illusion that they are hustling. One adverse effect of the illusion is taller guys look like they aren't hustling.
This theory is still being tested (in my head) but it seems fairly logical to me.