Sunday, May 23, 2010

Chicago is stupid.

I'm not going to sit here and brainlessly point out Chicago Blackhawks's flaws—we all know it has them—but I am going to say a little about how Chicago Blackhawks is intellectually dishonest in everything it says and does. I realize that some of you may not know the particular background details of the events I'm referring to. I'm not going to go into those details here, but you can read up on them elsewhere. Am I angry? You bet. Chicago Blackhawks has no conception of our moral and ethical standards. I trust that I have not shocked any of you by writing that. However, I do realize that some of my readers may feel that much of what I have penned about Chicago Blackhawks in this letter is heartless and in violation of our Christian duty to love everyone. If so, I can say only that an injustice anywhere is an injustice everywhere. Keep that in mind the next time you catch Chicago Blackhawks nurturing the seeds of our eventual destruction so that they grow like a rapidly malignant mutant form of kudzu.

The baneful nature of Chicago Blackhawks's commentaries is not just a rumor. It is a fact to which I can testify. Once again, Chicago Blackhawks could use some etiquette lessons. In reaching that conclusion I have made the usual assumption that its bedfellows can't defend their insinuations. I will now cite the proof of that statement. The proof begins with the observation that we ought to break the neck of Chicago Blackhawks's policy of favoritism once and for all. That'll make Chicago Blackhawks think once—I would have said "twice" but I don't see any indication that it has previously given any thought to the matter—before trying to rouse the agitated petite bourgeoisie to chauvinistic fervor and hoodwink them into transforming our whole society to suit its own antihumanist interests. I'm convinced that Chicago Blackhawks will put the prisoners in charge of running the prison one of these days. No, I'm not in tinfoil-hat land; I have abundant evidence from reliable sources that this is the case. For instance, Chicago Blackhawks accuses me of being narrow-minded. Does it maintain I'm narrow-minded because I refuse to accept its claim that inane, mingy spoiled brats have dramatically lower incidences of cancer, heart attacks, heart disease, and many other illnesses than the rest of us? If so, then I guess I'm as narrow-minded as I could possibly be.

How on earth these vagabonds can think of themselves as anything but hypocritical, logorrheic jackanapes is beyond me. You should never forget the three most important facets of Chicago Blackhawks's tricks, namely their officious origins, their internal contradictions, and their tendentious nature. Not to change the subject or anything, but Chicago Blackhawks never tires of trying to extinguish fires with gasoline. It presumably hopes that the magic formula will work some day. In the meantime, it seems to have resolved to learn nothing from experience, which tells us that its idiotic claim that it has answers to everything is just that, an idiotic claim. I apologize if the following points are hard to follow but they're quite relevant to the gist of my argument. First, investigators who have spent many years attempting to penetrate the dark recesses of Chicago Blackhawks's bumptious underworld frequently conclude that I am disgusted by Chicago Blackhawks's overweening displays of moral leprosy. And second, Chicago Blackhawks is slated for an unwept grave. All of this means, of course, that by allowing Chicago Blackhawks to grasp at straws, trying to find increasingly cacodemonic ways to get people to vote against their own self-interests, we are allowing it to play puppet master. And there you have it. Debate with Chicago Blackhawks or a search for common ground is both a fruitless exercise and a suicidal strategy.

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